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50 Relationship Tips That Are Actually Terrible Advice

Relationships can be hard in normal times, but even more so right now, when many couples are cooped up together at home. When we find ourselves at odds with our partners, we often seek out the advice of friends and family. But not all of their warnings and so-called “wise words” should be heeded. Even some of the most frequently mentioned recommendations could potentially do more harm than good. To help you determine what to take to heart and what to toss out of your mind, these are the bad dating and marriage tips relationship pros say to avoid. And if you’re looking for some marriage tips that have stood the test of time, here are The 50 Best Marriage Tips From Couples Who’ve Been Married for 50 Years.

1″Your perfect match is out there.”

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There is no such thing as a perfect person or a perfect partner. “Every single person you will meet is going to have flaws,” says James Anderson, dating expert at Beyond Ages. “If you accept this fact, you may find that one of the people who you thought was ‘not so perfect’ is actually pretty great for you.”

2″Play hard to get.”

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Most of the time, playing hard to get just guarantees that both of you are going to end up alone. “The dating world is competitive and few people have the time to constantly pursue someone who is not demonstrating any interest,” says Anderson. “Stop playing these silly games and show a little interest back. You will be giving yourself many more opportunities with people you otherwise might have missed out on.”

3″Look for a partner who loves all your hobbies.”

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Having a life partner who loves everything you love might sound great, but there’s often more than meets the eye in these partnerships. “Someone who needs to feel connected to another human being in order to survive will adapt their likes and dislikes to you,” says Megan Hunter, co-founder of the High Conflict Institute in California and Arizona.

She warns that if you’ve “suddenly found a partner who also loves horses, worships your favorite sports team, has the same type of friends, and loves the same movies,” then they’re probably just a little bit codependent. So, proceed with caution if it seems too good to be true. And if you’re worried you’re headed in a bad direction, take note of the 17 Relationship Trouble Signs You Should Never Ignore.

4″Let them make the first move.”

50 Relationship Tips That Are Actually Terrible Advice

Waiting for someone else to make the first move will often leave you just, well, waiting. “It is incredible how many times both people wait for the other to make the first move or demonstrate interest first,” Anderson says. “It can take a little courage to make the first move, but you will be shocked by how this will improve your dating life regardless of your gender. Fortune favors the bold in love more than any other endeavor.”

5″If they can’t handle you at your worst, they don’t deserve you at your best.”

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“This is the motto of every person you have ever met that draws drama to them like a magnet, but can’t for the life of them figure out why,” Anderson says. “Instead of trying to rationalize your bad behavior, spend that time actually improving yourself and your life to the point where your worst is worth dealing with.” And for signs you’re in serious trouble, learn the 17 Subtle Signs of Divorce Most People Don’t See Coming.

6″Chemistry means you’ve found ‘the one.'”

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Everyone wants to feel the rush of attraction and love, but sometimes, you can’t trust those butterflies in your stomach.

“The brain plays interesting tricks on us, sending love glitter through our brain and body, which then convinces us that this person is ‘the one,'” Hunter says. “Some of the brightest high-intensity sparks happen with people with personality disorders who can later be harmful to us. Strong chemistry isn’t always a warning sign, but it’s a signal to take your time and proceed with caution.”

7″Soulmates exist.”

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The idea that everyone has one person that is meant for them is surely romantic—but in the end, that idea may cause more problems than anything else.

“How many times have you heard people say they’ve found their soulmate? Wait a few years and you may witness them finding another soulmate after the first one disappeared,” Hunter says. “We can love more than one person in life and while we do have deeper, stronger connections with some more than others, the belief that we have soulmates can be a skewed predictor of future relationship success… or failure.”

8″Never go to bed angry.”

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It’s actually better to take some time to chill out before discussing something you’re feeling worked up about, according to Eric Hunt, a marriage and relationship coach based in South Carolina.

“When things get heated, we tend to say things we don’t always mean. Sleeping on it can give you that needed time to cool off, and in most cases, whatever it was will not seem as big by morning,” he says.

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